A List of Things I Have Done in the Past Two Weeks

Called my dad at 2 in the morning and sobbed as if someone had died

Took Nyquil and slept for 12 hours

Hardly ate for several days then ate a weird amount of Indian food and got violently ill

Verbally apologized to my liver

Ordered a half pound bag of dried lavender from Amazon Prime Now 1 hour delivery as if I was having some sort of Relaxation Emergency

Received a call from the Amazon Prime Now delivery driver that had just left my house asking me if I was ok.

Looked at strangers in the grocery store and thought "Did you do this? You fucking did this didn't you?"

Flipped all of the People magazines in the checkout line so that I didn't have to look at Trump's smug face

Responded to a hateful, sexist insult from a former close, long-time friend with the emotional equivalent of an eyeroll. (You're going to have to try harder these days, dude)

Had the disturbing revelation that someone I've invited into my home is an avid supporter of the "Alt-Right" and posts on the internet about how the decline in the white birth rate is "so sad".

Seriously considered the possibility that I'm in a coma and this is all a solipsistic nightmare of my own creation

Had a panic attack

Learned that my response to a panic attack these days is to immediately do 50 bodyweight squats

Looked backed on November 8th me, excited and cocky in my blazer and thought "Oooh you sweet summer child"

Unsuccessfully tried to comfort my dear friends in the minority and LGBTQ communities

Had a civil online conversation with a Trump voter in an attempt to break out of my echo chamber

Did tequila shots and had a 2 person Beyonce dance party in my living room with Brandi. (I'm still me.)

Vacillated between thinking, as a woman and feminist, my grief and anger is completely justified and feeling guilty, as a white middle class person for taking this shit so hard.

Had a serious gut check about my relative privilege and vowed to be a more vocal ally

Got on the phone and called my representatives

Held my girlfriends closer than ever

Set up monthly donations to the ACLU and the Southern Poverty Law Center and increased my monthly donation to Planned Parenthood.

Vowed to never, fucking NEVER, stop fighting.

It's all good in the hood

I took advantage of the reasonable temps and went on a 3 mile stroll today. I love my neighborhood. I've lived in the Heights on and off since I was I was 17. I always seem to find myself back within the same few square miles; in fact two of my former residences are a mere 3 blocks from where I am now, though one has been torn down and replaced. As I walked today, I found myself nostalgic for late night tipsy tire swing rides in Milroy Park, and even for crappy bus stops where I've spent hours of my life, waiting for the metro and listening to music. As someone who moved a lot as a kid, this neighborhood is as familiar as it gets for me, despite its changes. It occurred to me that in a few years I'll be nostalgic for these current days, just as I'm nostalgic now for the teen and mid 20s years I've spent here. That thought brings me a real sense of contentment. It's a privilege to recognize the good old days when you're in them.

Because no one wants rickets...

Poor little lonely blog, so neglected. Between being on the computer for work and wasting time on social media I don't often feel like writing here. I knew my posts would be sporadic but I'll try (and likely fail) to be more consistent. It was a cold winter here in Houston (well, cold for us) so I was mostly a homebody but I did squeeze in some good times, good travels, good food and good beer. Since we last spoke, I turned 30 (which feels exactly like 29) and, earlier this month, went to San Francisco with one of my favorite ladies. I could go on and on but just look at pics here - they pretty much tell the story for me! Not pictured is the fantastic Peking duck I had at R&G Lounge which is haunting my dreams and tastebuds but in a good way.

But speaking of cold, horrible, awful, godforsaken winter: even though it was longer and icier than normal it wasn't the miserable experience it usually is for me. The reason for this post is to share some info as to why I think that is. In researching why I normally feel blah from about December to April, I learned that the recommended daily allowance (RDA) for vitamin D is really low in the US as compared to other countries, and that people who work indoors and wear lots of sunscreen are frequently deficient, often severely so. In addition to feeling down, I had random aches and pains and a few other symptoms that may be attributable to D deficiency.

After consulting with my primary care physician, Dr. Google, I decided to up my intake to 2,000iu per day, which is a safe level and closer to what they recommend in other countries. The difference has been remarkable for me. My energy levels are better, I'm less achy and shitty feeling and I dodged the winter blues for the first time in my adult life. This is huge for me. I kept waiting for the blah feeling...and it never came. Of course, exercise, diet and booze moderation are important factors too, but D supplementation is the only new factor I introduced this year, plus to be honest I slacked in those other areas a bit.

Now, I'm not a doc (your best course of action is to see one and get your blood levels checked) and I'm not saying vitamin D is a cure for SAD, which it's important to note I've never been diagnosed with, but I highly recommend evaluating your D intake. This is probably a good idea regardless of whether you have symptoms or not, reason being that the RDA for the US is way low and it's hard to get a sufficient amount from diet alone. I'm considering upping my dose even more as the Vitamin D Council recommends 5000iu a day. Vitamin D is fat soluble and thus can be overdone, but it's unlikely any of us are close to the upper limit. As a matter of fact some people need a crazy high dose (under a doctor's guidance!) to get back on track. I still plan to get my levels checked at some point in case I'm one of those people. 

I am almost certain that additional studies will result in a substantial jump in the recommended daily allowance of vitamin D in the US in the coming years. I still feel most likely myself in late spring, summer and fall, but a winter without mild depression is a very welcome thing.

January conclusions

Well my No Booze January experiment has concluded and, while it was educational and a good "reset", I did let things taper off toward the end there. Really there isn't much to say that I didn't already cover in last week's blog post. Essentially, I found it overly restrictive and I'm more of a sustainable goal type than an all-or-nothing type. It definitely helped me gain some perspective, but part of that perspective is "Dang, a glass of wine with dinner sure is nice!" Seriously, last week's post makes for a better summary, so you can go read that instead, but as for how I did on the goals I outlined at the start of the month:

-To lose aforementioned holiday muffin top.
Nailed it! I amped up my workouts too so I'm back in preholiday shape. 

-To see drinking as a treat, not a given. 
 Definitely. I savor every drop of booze that passes my lips!

- To force myself to think outside of the box for non-drinking activities.
I'd say met this goal as well, with the early morning waking, long walks and booze free brunches. 

-To satisfy some curiosity and exercise willpower.  
Yes on the curiosity, "sort of" on the willpower portion. So uh...B-?

Other goings on: I've substantially upped my vitamin D intake and I think it's at least partially responsible for me avoiding the winter blues this year. Overall my mood has been fantastic, which I also attribute to a good workout regimen and forcing myself to go outdoors whenever we have a warm sunny day. This is an uneventful time of year for me, but I'm finding that pleasant and not depressing like usual. Next week is my 30th birthday and spring will be here before we know it so all in all things are pretty alright :)

No Booze January - Week 3 down

I bent the rules a bit over the weekend so No-booze January become Negligible-amount-of-booze January. Greg and I took a little daytrip to the Navasota/Brenham area and were surprised to find there was actually something going on for once. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered it was a wine festival! I didn't indulge, but it got me thinking about how I was passing up a fun and novel evening for...what exactly? Ultimately I was forced to acknowledge that the only reason I was completely abstaining at that point was so that others wouldn't judge me. Since I historically don't give a shit what others think, I decided that wasn't a good enough reason. I ended up having a margarita with dinner that evening and a beer later that night for a friend's birthday. It was a nice way to cap off the day and I went to bed with no regrets.Then on Sunday I had a beer and a half while visiting a friend who is moving to Malaysia. I felt like my reasons were pretty good because I was treating myself for nice events instead of caving after a bad day or something. I know this sounds an awful lot like weak-willed justification, but I made the decision to indulge after much careful consideration, and keeping in mind that a treat of a drink or two doesn't have to turn into a lazy hangover the next day just because it's the weekend.

There is a small part of me that wishes I wouldn't have done it because at the end of the day I know I could have made it the whole month, and the drinks I had didn't really live up to the anticipation. Oddly, that makes me glad I did do it. The fact that it wasn't really worth it is a useful thing to know, in case I ever decide to do something like this again. It's all part of the experiment as far as I'm concerned.

 My sole reason for abstaining, which is to focus on trimming down and being fit is still intact; a couple of drinks won't hinder that. I've lost 2 pounds which doesn't sound like much, but I have a small frame, so 2 or 3 pounds around the waist can be a pants size for me. The key going forward will be to moderate during the holidays and cut out weekday drinking like I do the rest of the year. If I successfully do that, there's really no reason to have such a strict January. I read that most people gain a few pounds of holiday weight and never lose is, so it stacks up every year. That's a bummer, and I think it's easier to not gain it in the first place than to lose it. I'm more about sustainable goals that you incorporate into your daily life, as opposed to strict limits, so for that reason Dry January isn't a thing I see myself repeating. I'm glad for the experiment and I'll see it through (though I may allow myself a 2 drink max for a good friend's birthday this weekend) but unnecessary deprivation serves only to suck the joy out of life! I don't eat sweets, I don't smoke, I don't overdo caffeine.

I could look at my small indulgences as a failure of the experiment, or I can consider it a B instead of the A+ I had planned. I choose the latter and I'm good with it. Next time I stumble across a wine festival in a cute little town I'm getting out of the car and enjoying myself, damnit.

No Booze January - Week 2 down

I'm at the halfway point of Dry January and I'm feeling good. I read that the second week was the hardest for most, and my experience matched that. I had my first bar outing on Friday and have to admit I was a little grumpy, especially since we were at a place that served great cocktails and that I rarely go to. I also had a twinge of longing when I had some delicious tapas without wine for probably the first time in my life. I haven't thought much about booze during the week though, so I've at least "reset" my bad holiday habit of indulging on weekdays.

I had a light, booze free lunch with Jenna on Saturday, which strengthened my vow to take it easier on weekends. Look, I love getting daydrunk on mimosas then taking a glorious nap (and you can bet your ass I will continue to do so) but it was nice to feel energized and refreshed after brunch for once. It was a gorgeous day so Greg and I went to the Mercer Arboretum for a walk that afternoon, something a boozey nap would have nipped right in the bud. Our weekend walks have been really enjoyable, and they are a habit I definitely want to keep up. I can see myself curbing the weekend beers to facilitate this, and that so far is the most positive discovery I've made. It's really nice waking up at 9 instead of noon. I feel like I have a lot more weekend.

Now that I've reached the halfway point I feel like it's smooth sailing from here. I was hoping to have the added motivation of weightloss (I think I've lost a pound?) but I am carrying some extra water weight this week from...reasons so it's basically my conviction getting me through. I've already begun to form some thoughts on Dry January in general, but I'll save them for my end-of-the-month post.

Status at end of week 2:

Maybe lost a pound, but bloated so blah I can't tell. Good energy levels and mood. Sleeping well, waking up earlier and being more active on weekends. Grouchiness experienced and thankfully subsided.

No Booze January - Week 1 Down

This year I decided to join the masses of smug masochists (j/k, love yoooou!) in Dryuary, or what I've been calling No Booze January. I'm generally happy with my alcohol intake but I've been working on getting healthier for the past year and a half and figure this certainly can't hurt. This isn't a New Years resolution thing, it's just convenient timing after indulging in so much holiday gluttony and sloth. Temptation is so hard to resist when all of the good seasonal beers are out, plus salad is not appealing when my office is frigid. Anyway, I'm a week in and things are going great! Here's a run down so far.

Status on day 1
Feeling a little muffin-toppy in my size 6 jeans - probably closer to an 8 right now - and tired and sluggish from holiday overindulgence. To be fair, I've also been fighting off some cooties.

Goals
-To lose aforementioned holiday muffin top. Weight loss isn't necessarily a goal, but by my calculations it's possible I might lose 3 pounds or so. That's not much, but it happens to be what I've put on over November and December. If I don't, I'll be happy with de-bloating and seeing the results of my strength training pop a little more. I'm going to be fully honest here and admit that this is my main goal. I'm vain as shit and I want to look good for my 30th birthday.

-To see drinking as a treat, not a given. Prior to the holiday season (during which I had a beer or two nightly) I was limiting drinking to weekends, so the occasional weekday drink was a treat. The thing is, I was still drinking all weekend out of habit. My relationship with booze has changed since my early 20's - I'm much more into quality over quantity - but I would like to view weekend drinking the same as weekday drinking: a special indulgence.

- To force myself to think outside of the box for non-drinking activities. Is drinking keeping me in a socializing rut? What's it like to wake up truly refreshed on a weekend? Will the day's activities be different?

-To satisfy some curiosity and exercise willpower. In addition to the small, reasonable goals above I really just want to see what happens and gain a sense of satisfaction. If there are some unexpected benefits, that's additional motivation that will help me to make better choices in the future. I don't plan on giving up drinking altogether, but how I feel when abstaining is good data to have.

Week 1 Summary
The first booze-free weekend was a bit weird, trying to figure out where to go that doesn't involve drinking, but it helps that I'm ultimately fine with being a homebody because of the winter weather. The exception to my homebody lifestyle was Saturday morning, when I woke up at 9:30 and Greg and I headed off to Brazos Bend for a couple mile walk. Now, that's definitely not something I would have been motivated to do if I drank the night before. I'm pleased and a little smug that I'm making better health decisions only a few days in.

As week 1 comes to a close I can report that I'm super hydrated. I drink a ton of water normally, so this usually isn't a problem for me overall, but I still notice my skin is less dry. I'm well-rested and energetic. The decrease in carbs and calories plus resuming my strength training routine has me mega hungry though. I'm also craving sugar which I never do, but I expected that. I'm doing ok at only giving in occasionally, like when I had donuts for breakfast over the weekend (a once in 5 years occurrence that I always sort of regret. I hate that sugar rush feeling!) No weight loss, but I'm feeling more svelte and my jeans fit better already. My stomach is a little flatter though I'm not back to pre-holiday shape. I think occasionally about how a beer or cocktail would be nice, but I wouldn't classify it as a severe craving. It's akin to when I walk right past Treebeards and their delicious chicken fried chicken on my way to the salad place. I do miss margaritas with my texmex though, not gonna lie, and if I'm being completely honest I did shoot down my friend's suggestion that we go to our favorite Belgian place for dinner tonight because I simply will not have moules frites without a nice tripel.

Anyone else participating? How's it going for you?