Can I just name this "Update"?

I'm pleased to report that I am finally, FINALLY feeling like myself again. I'm not the bummed-out mess during the winter that this blog makes me out to be, it's more of just a mild case of the blahs. I'm not down so much as restless and a little, well, blah. I expected things to "click" in March, but Timehop was quick to point out that my Facebook posts from a year ago also consisted of a lot of talk about needing a vacation, specifically a roadtrip or weekend in Vegas. I think this can be partially attributed to the fact that all of the hotels/casinos email bomb me with deals this time of year. I never really noticed it until now. I'm so easily influenced and predictable, jeez!

Thankfully, Greg and I did get away for a daytrip to San Augustine last weekend. There are a lot of historic cemeteries there; it was hard to make a dent. Here's a photo of me looking super goth, except for my bright blue clown shoes.

It was overcast that day, but the weather has been sunny and warm for the most part so I'm back in sundresses and sandals - my favorite state. That alone helps my mood, I swear. I also have a lot of fun events coming up, including shaking my ass off with Jenna, a charity event I'm co-hosting, a friend's backyard crawfish boil wedding (is there another combination of words that could get me that excited? I think not), and a dance performance where I will get to see Travis Wall live and in person! Basically, Spring and Summer are looking fanfuckingtastic.

Give me all your free stuff

So every year Allure magazine does this big free stuff blowout in August. As many of you know, I'm a total product junkie, so I will not pass up the chance to try new products. Send something to me and I will slather myself in it without a second thought. I'm not as serious about sweepstakes as some people - there are whole forums devoted to this stuff - but I managed to get quite a few entries in this time and had my best year yet. All I really do is set Outlook reminders and enter at the top of the hour, every hour each workday. I mostly half-ass it and forget about 50% of them, so imagine my surprise when packages started showing up at my place almost daily. Time to brag, because I raked in the following:

Elizabeth Arden 8 Hour Cream - $20
Garnier Fructis sleek and shine serum spray - $6
Nivea creme - $1
Color Club nail polish in In the Limelight - $8
Cerave lotion - $12
Big Sexy Hair Weatherproof spray (travel size) - $7
Clarin Shaping Facial Lift serum - $70
Zoya polish in Bevin - $8
iS Clinical Active serum - $78
Revlon lip butter in Candy Apple - $7
Sally Hansen polish in Pumice - $8
Maybelline eyeshadow in Turquoise Glass - $4
Wet n Wild Liquid Eyeliner in Turquoise - $3
Covergirl eyeshadows in Platina and Ice Princess - $8
Essie polish in Main Squeeze - $8
Olay Regenerist Advanced Anti-Aging treatment - $22
China Glaze polish in Pink Voltage - $5

That comes to a crazy value of about $275! All for taking the time to click a few buttons. I also won a few items that I thought were from this sweepstakes, but must be from other things so I left them out. Oh and I haven't gotten that Covergirl eyeshadow yet but I plan to nag them relentlessly until I do. Most lady magazines have giveaways going on all the time on their websites so if you have a few minutes, check them out (just make sure to uncheck any boxes for trial subscriptions or newsletters or any junk like that). And if you find out who wins the big stuff like $1000 purses tell them I'm jealous. I want to eBay that shit.

Rapunzel wanna be

This is probably only interesting to like, 3 of you but remember this post from awhile back? The first pic was taken about a year ago and my hair is continuing to grow nicely. It'd be even longer if I got regular trims and didn't wait until I have to chop off half an inch each time (sorry Sean!) I still wish it was fuller and thicker but I'm beginning to accept that I'll be a fine haired lady 'til I die. The biotin is definitely speeding the growth though and I'm pretty happy with how it's looking lately. I've been using a really lightweight shampoo and conditioner to give it body (Umberto Volume) and deep conditioning with argan oil overnight.

I actually took this photo to showoff my new lipcolor (Revlon Lip Butter in Tutti Frutti) but I thought my hair looked nice and decided it'd go well with this post. I wish I was smiling, but I just don't like you. Anyway, the moral of the story is take biotin!

A Facebook Tale in Two Parts

Minutes later...

Eastern Eating Excursions

After a mindblowing bowl of bibambap at Underbelly, I found myself a bit obsessed with expanding my experience with Asian food. I knew that I loved Thai food, liked Vietnamese, and disliked most Americanized Chinese, but had I ever even had Korean food? I realized that my foodie cred was about to suffer big time if I didn't start branching out. A tip from a friend sent me to H Mart, an awesome Asian market and a wonderful place to spend an hour on a Saturday. I wandered the aisles oohing and aaahing like a spaz, apologizing to Greg for my embarrassing enthusiasm. Not only did I pick up the pantry staples I need to make my favorite teriyaki salmon, I got a few odds and ends meant to broaden my cooking horizons, including a big tub of fermented black bean paste.

After researching recipes calling for said black bean paste, I settled on this one for Ma Po Tofu since I had most of the ingredients. Searching online has made it evident that everyone has their own spin on this dish, but there are a few common elements. A key ingredient is Sichuan peppercorns - an ingredient that the recipe I linked to is lacking actually - so I swung by Penzey's, picked some up and ground them as finely as I could. With that addition and a few substitutions, I ended up with a great meal that I was extremely proud of.

This dish is pretty flexible so play around with it using what you have in your pantry. Of the options the recipe provided I used ground beef instead of pork and sake instead of chicken stock. As far as the actual subsitutions, I used fish sauce in place of oyster sauce. While I did have tienmen jang (the fermented black bean paste) I didn't have tobanjan (the spicy chili bean paste) so I just added a hefty dose of sriracha to give it the necessary kick - no need to add any additional bean paste since it was plenty salty already. I suggest mixing the sauce ingredients in a bowl and giving it a taste. There's a lot of salt and umami going on so you're going to want to make sure things are balanced. It might call for a bit more sugar or another splash of sake. I highly recommend adding some ground Sichuan peppercorns since they are a key element in traditional Ma Po tofu and there's no real way to duplicate the numbing type of spiciness that they impart.

I really look forward to playing around some more with these new ingredients, and making it a point to use some already familiar ingredients more often. Did you know that you can peel and freeze fresh ginger, grate what you need then pop it back in the freezer? Lifechanging. I will definitely be making H Mart a semi-regular stop. I'm going to make some crazy seafood you guys. Hold on to your hats.

A Cup of Happiness

I went bra shopping yesterday and good lord, it is nigh impossible to find a-cup bras that aren't padded to hell. I understand it's because the makers assume women with a-cups want their boobs to look bigger - a fair assumption given that swaths of the population are having their perfectly fine breasts sliced open and stuffed with plastic - but where does that leave those of us who are happy with our smaller bust size?

One row had bras with big tags attached, saying something to the effect of "A-Cup: Extra padded B-Cup: Lightly padded and C-Cup: Lightly lined". Presumptuous much? Now, I'm not saying that I never wear a padded or pushup bra. Cleavage is fun (even bras for large busted ladies come that way and if they can avail themselves of that option so can I) and sometimes I need a little help filling out certain dresses since I have to buy them large enough to accommodate my relatively generous hips and butt. I'm completely shameless about admitting that it's part of an illusion though, much like the makeup I carefully apply everyday. For an average, go-to bra all I need is for it to not give me back fat, and to disguise the fact that I'm cold when walking around the office. Hell, I don't even need support! I'm glad pushup bras exist, but it shouldn't be such a struggle to find a-cup bras that aren't. That's all I'm saying.

It's more than presumptuous, it's insulting. As if I must want to change the look of my body parts, that they can't possibly be good enough on their own. Full disclosure: If I would wake up half a cup size fuller, magically, with no ill effects maybe I'd do it. I can't definitively say, but I can't rule it out in this hypothetical scenario. But before you take that as a sign of dissatisfaction, I'd also like a higher eyebrow arch but I'm not about to have a plastic surgeon go to town on my face. I think my curvy bottom would stand out even more without the slight saddlebags beneath it, but I'm not about to get lipo. I want the redder hair of my youth but not badly enough to keep up with dying it and give up my title as a natural redhead. Natural. That's the thing. While I have fun mastering some of the illusions that are so often a part of typical feminine beauty, everyone draws their own line somewhere between effortless and artifice. I certainly don't want larger breasts at the expense of having scars (maybe a bad example...I would undergo an anesthesia-free pinkie toe amputation before I'd get fake tits - it's more than an aesthetic preference but that's a blog post of its own so I'll save you my feminist screed just this once...) and when it comes to bras, the appearance of larger breasts is not worth the awkwardness of my boyfriend trying to cop a feel and grabbing a handful of foam; my "boobs" hung over the dresser at the end of the night. And most of the time I don't want the appearance of bigger ones. Being an a-cup is part of my identify and I enjoy all the perks (sorry! If you don't like that pun though I would also like to apologize for the title of this post) that come with having smaller breasts.

At times when I felt down about myself (mostly in my teens and early 20's) I would lament the fact that I had small breasts, but I think that was more because I felt there was some societal standard of beauty that I should be meeting. Those negative feelings originated from outside, not from within. If I hadn't been internalizing messages about what men supposedly wanted I probably never would have thought twice about my cup size in any other context than how my clothes fit. The beauty of getting older and accepting my body means I don't have to play that game anymore. I just want to look like me, because I like me.

I did eventually find a few worthy purchases, but not without a lot of hunting. My busty friends describe the hells of bra shopping in such a way that I should probably be thankful this is all I have to gripe about. But gripe I will. All I can picture is a younger, less self-assured woman - perhaps a younger version of myself -  coming into a store to buy some damn undergarments and being sent the message that something is wrong with her. This shit is insidious, and I think it's worth discussing.

Oh, fading youth

Yesterday was my 29th birthday. For some reason I've been rounding up all year  - actually I've been saying "I'm almost 30" since I turned 26 - but now I'm really, truly almost 30. The good news is I'm more than ok with that. In the past few years I've read several articles on how women are happier in their 30's due to increased confidence and sense of self. Also for the vain among us (i.e. myself) women apparently reach their peak attractiveness in their 30s as well. Maybe those reasons are why I'm so eager to get there. My 20's have been great, but boy do you do a lot of growing up. And growing up hurts. I don't think there's some magical age where you stop evolving (and if there is, 30 certainly isn't it) but I find myself feeling really relaxed and welcoming about getting older. Of course that's easy to say when you're 29. Check back with me in 10 years. And you can pry my expensive night cream from my cold and soon to be age-spotted hands.

In addition to some reflecting, I did have some actual fun on my birthday. Greg scooped me up from work and surprised me with lunch at Mockingbird Bistro, one of my favorite restaurants. I thought we were just going to grab a burger, so this was a nice surprise. There were some other surprises too, for my birthday and also for our anniversary on Friday. Greg is so thoughtful and remembered that I recently said I prefer experiences to material things, so now I have a couple of plays to look forward to and reservations at one of the best new restaurants in town.

After finishing my workday, in keeping with some healthy life changes I've made over the past year, I spent the evening doing some yoga then giving myself a pedicure while sipping a single cocktail (a negroni: one of my favorites and conveniently, one I can actually make since it's equal parts everything.) All in all, I had a nice civilized birthday, as one should when they are approaching 30. HAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING. We're blowing the roof off of Big Top Lounge this Saturday. Cheers!