terrible toof times

I'm sure none of you think getting your wisdom teeth out sounds pleasant, but did you know that it's not only unpleasant but it's actually THE WORST? I had a rogue wisdom tooth on the lower left side that would partially erupt then go back in, repeating this process several times over the years, causing some irritation but nothing bad enough that I couldn't procrastinate. Then a few weeks ago it decided just to...hang out back there and chill, making my life kind of miserable. It was time to do something about it, and since the others were impacted I decided to just yank them all out and have it over with. Most of you have probably already had it done, but if you're dumb and waited until you're almost 30 like me, I have some tips for you.

Get knocked out
 I did the IV sedation and couldn't be happier with my choice. The recovery is shitty enough - there's no need to be aware of them spending an hour yanking teeth out of your noggin. Trust me on this. We have the technology. Get whatever drugs they will give you. Last thing I remember is the dental assistants morphing into characters from Where the Wild Things Are. Then I woke up and we were done. Bonus: the drugs have some fun after effects. I was, to put it plainly, high as shit. I drooled a substantial amount of blood onto my dad's driveway but was too stoned to care. In addition to the aforementioned hallucinations, I was just in an altogether good mood. I felt weirdly lovey toward all of my friends who were being super nice even though I know they were thinking I was being a giant baby. A few days later I discovered a beat up toy figurine in my purse. I have no idea where it came from.

Take your drugs
I took my vicodin every 4 hours for the first few days, even setting an alarm in the middle of the night so I didn't miss a dose. This let me stay on top of the pain and I didn't have any pain at the actual extraction sites as a result. I'm now down to a pill in the evenings to deal with the horrible jaw pain I'm having from it being wrenched open for so long. Not everyone will have this problem apparently, but I have a smidgen of TMJ and I think it's made my recovery a lot tougher.


Be prepared for shitiness
This whole process sucks to an extent that I can't thoroughly explain. I have a higher pain threshold thanks to being a woman and a redhead (no really!) but even with the drugs I've had discomfort. I also have numbness in my bottom lip and half of my chin almost a week later, but that should resolve itself once the swelling goes down. The last few days have been more unpleasant in some ways than the days immediately following the surgery, even though I overall feel more like myself. Immediately following the surgery you can expect bleeding and oozing and for your mouth to taste and smell like roadkill. Add to that the constant anxiety about getting dry socket and it makes for a super fun time. I should be out of the woods as far as dry socket, but I can't stress enough to follow aftercare instructions to the letter. Reading some people's account of how it was worse than natural childbirth - well that had me in a near panic in the days leading up to and following the procedure. As a bonus, I'm no longer scared of routine dentist trips because it's all up from here!

You will be starving
I'm having a rougher time than some because I can't open my mouth, but be prepared to stick to liquids for a couple of days and soft foods after that. Since I was paranoid about dry socket I've been very conservative with my food and as a result I've lost 4 pounds. Yikes. This may be a bonus to some but I know I'm losing muscle too and generally feeling unwell so it's not exactly a cause for celebration. Buy Carnation Instant Breakfast shakes because they will save your life.


Anyway, some people bounce back fairly quickly and some have a rougher time than I have, but the bottom line is that I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. Well actually...maybe I would. It doesn't last forever. Does it? Right?! *cries*