I'm in a rut! A funk. A fun deficit. I've been oddly antisocial, even though getting out for a bit is the answer to my restlessness. I'm not sad or down, just antsy and irritable and longing for the open road. Today I will be cured though, as Greg and I are taking off to Lake Charles after work. I've decided to stick to a tight budget, so wish me luck at the slots! Bonus: poboy's at Darrell's (they are oh so amazing - trust me).

make me pretty

A recent discussion about makeup has me thinking. I'm obsessed with makeup - a total product junkie. And that doesn't just apply to makeup but to skincare products as well (I've been investing in quality night creams since I was a teenager and I'm convinced it has spared me a few early wrinkles). I manage to stay within my budget, but I have so many products that it's almost overwhelming. It's not helped by the fact that I will buy basically the same lipstick over and over, convinced that this time that lovely cool red will work (It never does.)  I was going to make a post about my favorite products, but so many people do that far better than I can, so I decided to dig a little deeper.

I always read about the mythical, effortless beauties who can slap on 4 products in 5 minutes and be out the door. I even know some of them! But how they do it remains a total mystery to me. My routine takes 15-20, and I have no less than 10 things on my face at any given time. I don't go for an overdone look, I just strive for perfection. And when you have permanent, dark under eye circles, pale lips and strawberry blonde eyelashes you need a little more help than some of the others.

I envy those that don't have to wear makeup. Of course people say no one has to wear makeup and, while I agree in principle, good luck convincing me that it applies to my washed out visage. The truth is that if I were to come to work without makeup people would think me seriously ill, especially under these harsh fluorescent lights. I've set the expectation for how I should look and now I'm forced to live up to it. Not just for others but for myself.

When the maker of my favorite concealer announced it was closing its counters, I rushed to their website and bought 100 dollars worth. 5 tubes. I was unaware at the time that they would continue to offer many of their products online, but still - hoarding it gave me an added sense of security. I still have one tube left :)

So, obviously I'd be lying if I said some insecurity didn't come into play. It most certainly does. But I choose to think of makeup as a fun accessory, a tool that lets me be me but better. I can be bright and summery with shimmer and gloss, or vamp it up with my favorite red lipstick. If that makes me a bad feminist then so be it. I don't think it does at all. I do wish I were a bit less reliant on makeup, but not enough to participate in yesterday's "National No Makeup Day". What I'm saying is you can pry my lipstick from my cold dead hands.

In past relationships I remember sleeping in my makeup and rushing off to the bathroom to primp in the morning. At least for the first few months or so. The first night I stayed at Greg's I slept in it too, but it was due to lack of proper cleanser and moisturizer and to be honest because I probably fell asleep without thinking about it. But in the morning we ran to Target and bought my favorite facewash and daycream (which he let me keep at his place without protest - we hadn't even discussed if we were serious yet). After I showered and scrubbed off last night's mascara, I sat there and chatted while I reapplied. I didn't notice until later that I had let him see the "real" me, right from the get go. When I realized that, I decided it would bode very well indeed :)

For some people trust means confiding your secrets or sharing passwords or a number of other things. For me it's letting someone see me "without my face on" :)

I've been wanting to write a blog post about the current Republican war on women but I'm just too depressed. How would I attempt to outline such basic concepts anyway? Tedious and frustrating. I'm so discouraged and baffled and angry that I don't even know where to start. Besides, if you're a crazy, willfully ignorant, anti-birth control right winger and you're reading this, nothing I say will get through to you. And if you're not then there's no use preaching to the choir. My friends that are reading this know exactly what I mean because they feel it too. Maybe one of them will take the time to articulate it. Right now, I just can't.

This is not the country I know and love. I feel heartsick.

Danica Patrick irks me. Having watched a bit of racing with my dad growing up, I was immediately interested when I heard about a woman racer working her way up the ranks. She was petite and pretty and feminine, but none of that mattered because she was good. Imagine my disappointment when the FHM cover and the trashy Godaddy commercials started coming out. Here was a chance for a woman to be respected for her skill and yet she was playing into the same old bullshit; reinforcing a message that looks are what women have to offer - that sexiness, not talent, is our commodity.

 I know feminism means that she should be free to make her own choices and do what she wants with her body, and part of me admires the fact that her Wikipedia entry states she's an auto racer and model. I love living in a world where women can be both of those things at the same time. But I'd really love living in a world where a woman could race with the guys without having to take her tits out. I mean, is it really feminist if she's reinforcing problematic messages and helping perpetuate a system that keeps women from being seen as equals? I don't want to seem like I'm "slut shaming" or being "sex negative"* I'm just disappointed. I don't think that anyone has an obligation to be a role model, but it is disheartening to see someone squander that opportunity.

*Oh how I hate those damn terms - mention my disdain for strip clubs or prostitution and you will get slapped with a big ol' "sex negative" label in some circles which is absurd.. FUCK THAT, seriously. But that's a topic angry rant for another day.